So now that the media is gushing over the fact that there are human beings living in North Korea, does this mean that the reclusive terror state we can hardly point to on a map will soon be another impoverished capitalist nation selling kimchi flavored coca cola toxins to its liberated citizens, producing nothing but plastic, pornography, tourists and (better) weapons behind a facade of civilized speech and farcical commitment to equality for all, while keeping its tiny elite in the money?
And are there any beaches or camps that could be turned into controlled environments for the soon to be visiting fat sack degenerate tourist masses from around the world?
Is the second to last evil nation on earth about to go rogue on itself and join the rest of us in our common, more or less democratically agreed efforts to put up mirrors for the blind (called taking selfies these days), destroy the planet and deny ourselves a future?
And who will we be told to love to hate then (the last evil nation on earth, I am guessing)?
And if the Koreas reunite, will Brexit still go ahead?
Heady news from Asia. It’s all going to be great.
Peace is coming. Dylan was right. Trump is Jesus. Kim is a whore, but he will be one of ours.
Before long they will be suing each other to have an allegedly unbiased court of law determine who is the more peace loving of the two. All of us will be online jurors. We will be able to vote, finally in a meaningful way, on who’s the total loser and who gets the stripper. Haircuts will play a big part in our grounded, rational decision making.
The media will lap it up, cough up experts who were wrong for thirty years but just got a pay rise because the ground beneath their feet has changed. Things will fall in line and those who don’t will be ridiculed and exterminated in the name of a better future. Social media, newspapers and TV channels will mold the narrative, create some background, attract subscriptions, make a fortune and open a bureau or two in Pyonyang. Zuckerberg will be the first man on earth to hold two passports from the two most peaceful nations on earth. Abba will reform. Richard Branson will circumnavigate the peninsula in a balloon accompanied by scantily clad virgins, dropping tons of trademarked fake ready to eat meat products made from north Korean children and south Korean circuit boards onto the masses gathering below, killing the unlucky ones while the rest roar with joyous relief. Angelina Jolie will be excited and fight harder for peace, women, skin products and corporations. Mel Gibson will go all method for the movie, do a six month crash course in how to tweet, followed by a most nuanced turn as a misogynist racist. He will die his hair. He’ll be better than Jesus. The past will be forgotten. It always is, before it even hits the floor, stone cold. Gary Oldman will play Kim, and the make-up will be out of this world. Charlton Heston will be digitally recreated. Kevin Spacey will get a cameo. Polanski and Chris Nolan will co-direct. The Stones will do the soundtrack. Tarantino will sue. Someone’s tits will fall out of a shirt when they collect the Oscars. Me too, everyone will shout. And don’t worry. I will get my hands dirty. None of that holding back, none of that ‘I am too lofty and clever for you lot’. I’ll be right there along with you, down the front, digging in and doubling down, waving the flags, clubbing the doubters, dopamined out of my skull, feeding on mass delusions of orchestrated grandeur. Hell, maybe I will finally become a celebrity, do a Ted Talk on genocide and go on World’s Got Talent.
Win Win for all.
Fake news will be a thing of the past. Propaganda will cease. No more stuffed ant eaters posing for prizes or black panthers jumping into soup pots. Coral reefs will come back to life. Plastic and ignorance will dissolve like cheese that’s fallen between the metal bars of the grill. Women will be respected. Minorities will be listened to. A new dawn is coming.
Then we will up the ante, embrace fundamental truths and historic righteousness and invest the personal valor of the young and stupid to go the whole, last painful hog and bring freedom to Teheran. Whatever it will take, the experts will say, poisoning our brainwashed minds. And then the world will be silent and perfect.
Today is a great day. Outside my window the sun is shining and the birds, those that have not been gassed or eaten, are chirping. Better than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow.
Now tell me, is any of this any less likely to happen than what you read when you opened your eyes this morning and logged on?
Anastasia screamed in vain. She really did.